I woke up and lay in bed for a bit, and all of my dreams evaporated. It’s getting hard to get up and on here with the same enthusiasm as I had when I started this practice.

I’ll keep at it, and maybe it will change into something that excites me again. We’ll see.

My body is not liking the decrease in activity, less and less every day. I’m going to have to get out today, probably to go around the property and do some exploring.

I am getting bored, even though I have no reason or excuse to. There is so much to do, I’ll be digging into a little bit of it today. Baby steps, but it’s getting done.

I’m having a really hard time focusing today, I almost just got up and bailed.

I skipped my morning cigarette today. Baby steps.

People are still texting me to go back to work, the precious few people that actually have my personal number. Maybe I should turn my work phone back on – it’s been off for almost a month now.

Let’s not even talk about the work email.

I actually just zoned out and tried to respond to a work text on my personal phone. As I found myself stumbling over words, I realized that I shouldn’t even be doing that.

I’m starting to miss working… definitely starting to miss money. Not that I really need it, but I’m afraid the economy is going to dry all this up pretty quickly, and I should get all this while I can. I spoke to my ex last night, and despite the fact that he sounded like he was on a megadose of coke, he seemed to be of the same sentiment re:market inflation and securing our assets.

Our assets. When he hung up the phone he said he loved me.

I didn’t say it back… and honestly I didn’t feel it.

I actually (I have to clean up my cadence a little , I’m awkward today. I also have to get a better setup for my laptop, it’s ruining my posture and most likely my work flow) didn’t enjoy talking to him. I never do, to be honest, and even though I think back and it feels like at some point I did, I don’t remember ever liking talking with him. He’s very difficult to deal with, actually.

How ex is your ex?

Me to my amazing cousin, yesterday

As soon as I am about to give up on a post, it gets rolling. I’ve noticed that the last few days, and I guess I like that too. I’m actually enjoying this exercise a little more than I thought. I skipped my actual physical exercise yesterday… I hope this isn’t what it feels like to get old. Every workout I skip hurts so much more every time, to the point where now I’m actually in pain when I skip a day of stretching. I used to be able to skip a week without getting this stiff.

I wonder if anyone’s put an obstacle course out by the river yet… at my house in NH there were always some bmx obstacle courses or paintball arenas or offroad tracks dug out every spring as soon as the ground got soft. I should go look.

Ok, so maybe this one didn’t quite get rolling… but I feel like I did.

It’s a beautiful day.