I sat down, my mind beginning to nibble at the edges of pieces of thoughts, too big to swallow yet.

I thought I had no dreams, and was wondering where my thoughts would go, when I realized that in my brain were a few things that were actually not tied to my present narrative.

I was at a funk show. I’m trying to recall the venue, as I think I’ve been there before. The lights were dim, and warm. Before I understood lighting I’d have been impressed – it looked like amber honey in there. It was also somehow, a house, and a hotel. I remember elements of so many places in my mind.

I went upstairs to the bathroom, and honestly I can’t remember where the bathroom came from. I was there a few times in my dream, actually, but I can’t remember when. It was a full bathroom like a house, I mostly remember the white painted window sill. At some points it was raining, and at some points sunny – I remember that someone left the window open in the rain, and the hideous maroon/tan/green plaid (or was it trying to be a jewel tone madras? wtf who does that shit) was soaked and full of water to the point where water was pooling inside of it’s poofy bottom fold.

I don’t know who was playing, but to be honest, at funk shows I almost never do.

And of course, since it was a funk show, one of my best friends, who I really should call, but I embarrassingly keep losing his number constantly over the last 19 years we’ve known each other, was there. I really should just admit to myself that I lost him in the split from my ex. I don’t know why, or where we were really. At some point, as we both circulated through the crowd, he found me and we decided that we would go outside.

I just think it’s worth noting that I did not smoke in my dreams.

We rode the elevator up two floors, and it felt like I was in a hotel that I have been to in Westchester, but is not my usual hotel. This hotel is built into a mountain, so from the back the first two floors are actually underground, and require a separate elevator (I just don’t understand why they have to be on opposite ends of the floor plan) to get to the next 4 floors higher. It’s an interesting building actually, I’d buy it.

We stepped out the back door, the parking lot was dusty and salty – it was still winter, apparently a few weeks ago, mid-March-ish from the looks and the temperature. People were wearing scarves and sweatshirts. Outside it looked like our big state college, where my friend attended and side dude used to work. Actually, this hotel also does have a college campus behind it in fairly close proximity, but I’ve never seen students walking there, as I did in the dream.

In the street outside of the parking lot, I saw a tall black man with a black hoodie, hat with that characteristically red flat brim. I thought it was my side dude, so I walked over quickly to the edge of the parking lot (there was an embankment) but embarrassingly I saw that it *wasn’t him*.

Consider all of the elements in that situation while attempting to understand the embarrassment.

My very good friend was right behind me. Of course, he said nothing of it, as he never does. We went back in.

The show was wrapping up, apparently there were some vendors there of some kind (as there super awkwardly are in one of our random clubs wtf).

One couple was selling odds and ends… I’m trying to place the chick, she reminded me of a redheaded girl who is only occasionally nice to me, but also this chick who I think is the boy’s ex. Her boyfriend, who was super sweet but trying not to interact with me too much, was a favorite client of mine, who lives in NJ and I should probably check up on. Sometimes I just like people. I’m allowed to like people.

Anyway, she was giving away some stuff at the end of the show so she could pack up, and she had a set of glass plates, place mats, and a table cloth. We were talking, but I did not want the glass plates (They were handmade, and in someone’s doctor’s office – The glass was high quality, but it looked like kid’s stupid crayon art just crafted in glass form), but the red and black thick dyed placemats (they looked like merrimekko or however you pronounce that overpriced shit – like it would be cool but for 1/4 the price or less really because it’s not that cool) and table cloth were nice. My wonderful millenial silver fox (God, what is it about dudes that have all-white hair in their 30’s) leaned over and in his super sweet way just said nah, he’s not getting rid of those yet.

However, I did want the old antique liquor crate to use as a stool. Which I actually do want, I’ll get on Ebay later.

My boyfriend was suddenly there (who… idk, we’ll talk later, but long story short, I’m an asshole again) and happy to help me carry stuff to my car, or was it his car, or was it just outside. I don’t know, the stuff vanished but yet was mine, the way it usually is when he’s around. He’s actually great that way. I think he also bought a giant liquor barrel to use as an end table.

Another couple was packing up, and I remembered them from way back at my first college. The man is a crazy gamer, the woman is probably running for some kind of democratic political office right now, she was like a clone of Hillary Clinton but hot. I wonder if they ended up getting married, it looked like it was totally going that way, both in the dream and real life. Come to think of it, I think one of them was also from the Princeton area in New Jersey. They were folding up their cloth and table.

I believe I somehow offered my client friend a coin case (that I actually just had, but offered to my brother, who eerily said exactly what my client said, some kind of synesthesia?) And he said he didn’t want it, but he knew someone it would be perfect for, and offered it to my gamer college acquaintance. I wonder who my brother gave the case to.

I don’t know what woke me up at a completely reasonable 1:43, but I was unable to accept it and rolled around until 3:53

I haven’t called my funky friend in 3 weeks. He and my side dude do not like each other at all, for very understandable reasons. And I like each of them for reasons that have nothing to do with why they don’t like each other.

My dreams actually took two cups of coffee to write today, so there’s not a lot of time or material for commentary this time, and I want to look up a few of the references from the dream. That’s ok, there are other days.

I’m actually in a very good mood today, considering that I spent yesterday crying my eyes out. I just suddenly got so scared for my father. Specifically, I don’t like having him be scared. The thought of him trying to do anything by himself, being scared, is awful to me to the point where I might start crying again just thinking about it. I have to call my Father again later.

I picked up a random pair of panties from the hamper and put them on – they smell like cum.

Last time I was over the boy’s house, he had a bag of cough drops out in the bathroom.

I feel like I have the slightest, slightest cough developing.

The only reason I’m afraid of dying is that it would make other people sad.