So… I’m feeling optimistic today and I’m not sure why. And I’m not sure why I just started this sentence with a connecting word, and not sure why I began with so… I realize that kind of forced bad grammar that I put in to convey casuality in trivial conversations is annoying and unnecessary, and not really me at all. Anyway.
I woke up on time today, but I wonder if I got enough sleep last night. I realize that sleeping 8 hours a night is not the same as staying in bed for 8 hours at a time. I took melatonin last night, and felt myself wake up, and moreso than I can remember recently, I felt satisfied with my sleep.
I looked at my phone – 11:44.
Maybe I’ll go outside today – obviously prompted by the song tag – it’s actually nice, though cold.
And yes, I did text the boy last night, and he said he’d come by today… I wonder what this means for me. Basically I just want him to hang my curtains. I am lying to myself.
However, he will fucking hang those curtains. I’m pissed about wasting so much time on men who do nothing for me. Yes, I do a lot. Maybe I don’t have to. It truly is my choice. It is my choice to only spend time with people who reciprocate that effort and intention.
I just thought about my gorgeous friend… she’s moving. She never lived near me (despite being from the town in which I now live) and so she’s pretty much just moving to the other city that I always see her at. I just sent her a text. Perhaps it’s just my mood today but if I ever had a girlfriend… it would be her.
I keep starting with I, and I don’t really feel like I have much to say. I just fought back a bubble of panic rising up the back of my throat – there is so much to do, some of it serious… but it can’t be done today, it’s the weekend.
I wonder if I can even make it to the bank – if I can, that’s what I’ll do. I just clicked over into my email, for no reason.
I do hope that I can make the habit stick (and hate the fact that I preceded this with a caveat) but I’ve actually been pretty productive lately. I think it might be just the weather finally lightening up, and realizing that it will soon be spring. This happens every year. Depression lifts around this time.
This time of year was the constant breaking point between my ex and I, and it looks like, incidentally, it will be again. How ironic. I didn’t realize that until now. I wonder how this will all play out – I love surprises.
Thank whatever for that extra long song tag, I did not come here to talk about him again.
My fingers froze though – what else do I have to say? It’s not that I don’t have much to say, but I don’t have much for this page. I’m focused on the future today, and I think that’s a good thing for once.
For once, it actually feels like a weekend.
I think it’s absolutely fine that this has no title.