If Being Afraid is a Crime We’ll Hang Side By Side

I’m sad today, not for any good reason but it is what it is. I had several dreams last night, let’s try those.

I was leafing through a print edition of this site. Yes, this site. It was handwritten entries, with pictures of fish clued to the pages.

I remember leafing through the book, looking through the site, trying to find the date that something happened. I don’t remember what the date was, or if I found it.

What was I looking for?

I was in the dark, illuminated only by the glow of my computer screen. I’m trying to remember if I was sitting at this desk… I don’t think so.

I think I was sitting at the glass table, in the wicker back chair, of the house that I was born in.

There was more, of course. Let’s see what comes back.

I am getting sick of these posts being shallow. I am not shallow.

I saw my ex yesterday, and fully fuck that guy. He had one of his girlfriends with him, even though he knew that was expressly not allowed. Of course, he just took the fact that he had done wrong as a trigger to scream at me, as always.

He says he’s going to send me to jail, and to be honest I’m a little scared of that. He could make my life very hard, for absolutely no reason. I don’t think he really can, but I have no choice but to call his bluff.

I am getting sick of these posts being shallow, but I feel like I don’t really have much else to say.

I think I know what’s wrong with me. I could feel that job zapping my sexuality, the boy has been off limits for a bit now, and I broke up with my boyfriend. I’ve been slacking off of work. Yes, I’ve been swiping mildly on the internet, but I haven’t found anyone who really makes me roll over in the middle of the night like the boy used to, like my boyfriend used to.

I guess this is why I do this – I’m a nymphomaniac. And this, 10 days (although the last time I fucked the boy it was largely unremarkable, but he was sick…) has put me into withdrawal. I wonder if my ex feels like this all the time, with his limp dick low libido. It must suck. I haven’t even had the will to masturbate in days, something must be wrong with me.

There’s several things that I could be doing right now to alleviate my problems, and somewhow (somewow should be a word) I’ve managed to finish my coffee without having a meaningful thought.

I think I intended it to be this way.

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