Oh No Not Again

Fuck, like I needed one more thing to do. Not even that I’m especially busy, it’s just hard for me to ever get to doing anything.

Apparently, this hot real estate market has left my landlady with an itch to sell. I love my apartment, I don’t want to move. However I know that a new owner will try to raise rents, not understanding that honestly, this building is in serious disrepair and only low rents make up for that, and it attracts people who are willing to make that sacrifice, and those people are the kind of people that will not trash this place further, and will stay for longer than their 4 year degree.

I talked to the boy about it, and he seemed optimistic that I would move in with him. Hard no, but maybe. I actually skipped a song on my playlist – I don’t know how artists bribe Spotify, but I did not come all the way to 2021 for an internet algorithm to just push the same 40 songs on me over and over again. This was supposed to be *better* than radio, remember?

I had known my ex for 8 months when we rented our first apartment together. It was a terrible apartment, but the degenerate drunk landlord rented to two nobodies, with no work history, and no questions asked, in the middle of the night. It was terrible, and wonderful at the same time.

Fuck, I know what I have to do. First, I have to put my intentions out into the universe, aka tell everyone I know what’s going on. Everyone… I don’t know who to include but we’ll see how it goes.

The boy and I have been looking at properties… he’s not serious about it though, and therefore neither am I. I really have to pull together some money, and the lackadaisical approach that I’ve been taking to my work and my spending has got to go. I have to pull this together, but I’ve slipped so far I don’t even know where to start. <=== this brings to mind a whole other section of people who I should be telling about this.

Work the network… It never works for me, but maybe one day it will, and maybe somehow in ways I don’t know about, it does.

And yeah, I’m probably going to have to start getting up before 3pm again.

Last time, my boyfriend, now My ex, moved everything for me… now he’s gone. This boy is not going to cut the mustard. He’s (deep sigh, I have to admit it) massively incompetent in a variety of ways, planning and executing anything really. I just don’t have time to hit Hinge again, and honestly I don’t want to. But that’s more about me than him, I have no problem knowing and accepting that. I don’t want to hit Hinge because I just don’t have the energy for men, and courtship right now, and this brings to mind another person who I should really be messaging, and I will.

I’ve only been here a year. For me, who takes so long to settle in, it feels like I just got here.

Of course, this isn’t all that I wanted to talk about, just like moving isn’t the only thing I have to do – I just clicked away to something irrelevant, some volunteer projects that I’m involved in. Please make sure to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others with their masks. Although maybe…

Ugh, and I have to call my mother. If there was ever a less helpful person in the entire world… There’s and acidic swirl coming into my stomach from the lower left side, creating a current that circles my entire abdomen and gently pushes a wave over the base of my trachea. She tries so hard, but utterly no.

The boy is like that. He will cheat on me, even though he knows what he can and can’t do, because he is trying to prove that inane pedantic validity of one of his stupid points that rides on nothing but a technicality. Wtf, you’d really put your dick on the line to prove a point? You’d put *me* on the line to prove a point? I’m fairly sure one day he will.

Wtf, I should just let him go and save myself the trouble. But then who will I buy a house with?

That, honestly and truly, is the real motivation behind all of my relationships.

Let’s go.

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