Last night I had a dream that my ex boyfriend, the one before the boy (at what point do they stop being exes and start being random people again <=== I guess that’s the point of the dream) wouldn’t hug me back when I hugged him. And, maybe I’m starting to forget what he feels like, what he felt like.

Here’s a piece of dream.

We, my ex boyfriend (who I’m comfortably calling an ex now) were at a hotel, as always. It was a a nice hotel, and with it’s fake waterways, overly white and shiny facades… it reminded me of Rowes Wharf, or the Bellagio in Vegas, – it looked the way that they look like each other. It was on the water.

My boyfriend was speaking to a clerk, a short stocky man of indiscriminate central American origin wearing a tropical pink polo shirt (is this the color of resort communities) about where to find something, I believe it was a store. We were standing in a stereotypical resort gift shot, and we apparently wanted something real. If course, clerk was disdainfully giving directions off the resort, as if a) there was nothing one could possibly ever need off of the resort aka paradise and b) how terrible it was going to be outside of the resort to see tourists leeching out of the resort – I thought we all agreed that they would be kept under control?

Still, we left and somehow we were in my boyfriends sick black convertible (god how I miss that car… I should buy one actually) rolling up a mountain. It was a much bigger version of a mountain the I mean to climb more regularly (and is regularly climbed by one of the boy’s extremely pretentious friends, and felt like the giant mountains in the middle of Jamaica.

Once at the top, My boyfriend parked, and was leaning on the back bumper of his car. I went in for a hug, and the feeling… I could feel him be warm, and somewhat squishy, but his arms were limp at his sides. I tried to find his collarbone with my cheek to feel his structure… Did I find it? I woke up.

There, I proved it. I actually officially hate footnote structure in my dream recording, and will officially abandon it now.

My coffee has been done, it’s just so hard to sit still I spent most of this time concentrating on that alone.

It’s worth it to skip a cigarette, though.