Blueberry Hill

I should be working right now, I really should. I should have worked harder yesterday, I really should have. I don’t know if there’s a point, but that’s not the point.

Do you talk to your therapist about work?

Me to the boy, being particularly cruel, though I do not regret it.

Of course, right on cue, he texted me. I didn’t answer. I’m not sure if I should go out with him tonight, when I have so much work to do tonight, and I won’t be able to do it tomorrow because I will be off fucking someone else, and perhaps calling that Viking dude to finish me off after.

Why am I so cruel?

I’m rushing through my coffee, rushing through all of this, so that I can get back to work.

Just like that, I stopped, and slowed. I’m not sure if that is the right thing to do.

I had dreams last night, about a dog that was not mine, but in the dream, my ex and I cared for it. Before that, there was a test, and a movie set, and I remembered some emails that I have to write before work and I bet that’s the point of this.

I have an acidic anxiety in my stomach, possibly a result of the chocolate ice cream and Fritos that I ate yesterday (it’s been a while since I ate that much corn in one go, I immediately knew it was the wrong thing to do, it was so painful) or the fact that the only other thing I ate was a glass of wine and a load of cum.

I texted the boy and told him I loved him before I walked into the room.

Why am I so cruel?

I know why, but I don’t think I have time to talk about it. It’s obviously a defense mechanism. This is a terrible song. Wtf, Gladys.

I hesitate, not knowing if I have time to recount my dreams, suddenly unfolding like the movie set that they were in my dream, and the one that I should be calling.

I’m bailing on this, I’m nervous about too much and I want to get on with my day. But last night I dreamed that I had a rat terrier, that kept threatening to die, and my ex and I were raising it together again.

I’m almost done with the divorce btw.

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