Still Joy

I’m so glad to be home. Overjoyed.

I know there’s no need to explain anything to anyone here, but it’s been a long time since I’ve been home, a week, and longer than that since I woke up alone.

I love it. I love being alone.

I remember one time, on a “date” with a very unstable man, who by way of infectious disease, ruined the better part of 3 months for me, when I was describing the overwhelming, all encompassing joy of being able to make my coffee and drink 2 whole cups by myself without anyone interrupting me. He said it sounded like I was recently alone, that this was a new joy.

5 years later? Has it been 5 years? The joy is still fresh. Still Joy.

I forgot to put sugar in my last cup of coffee, and it still tastes wonderful.

Unfortunately I only have one cup to write with today, my first cup having been spent in joyful reverie, until the boy called, and actually quite usefully, reminded me of things I should be doing today.

It occurred to me, probably within 5 minutes of waking, that this joy might be interrupted if I lived with the boy, if he were next to me when I woke up, either dulling my desire to get up and face the day, or propelling me out of the warm blankets before I was truly, in my soul, ready to face the day.

I’m so glad that we don’t live together… though I do like organizing things with him.

Not sure what I want to tackle here right now, which of my thoughts deserves an audience. As always, there is so much.

I’m listening to a book, incidentally recommended by the boy. It sites the same tired scientific studies that the last book he recommended does, as do so many. Why does everyone only read the same handful of studies for self help books, when there’s so much more useful data out there? I want to know, I want to get to the bottom of this… and so many other things.

Such as (I was going to say like, but I’m trying to improve my writing) how song titles effect the popularity of particular songs. I love abstract, obscure titles, but when I turn to Google to look up a particular song by typing in lyrics and am returned a list of songs that match, the obscure titles make it hard to recognize the song that I’m looking for. What will become of all of those high level, abstract 90’s prog rock underground breakthrough bands? I have to reorganize my music.

Again, Thom Yorke somehow creeps into my playlist, like every day.

The book recommends meditation, as everyone always does. I think that I do a lot more introspection than most people do, between this, and my mind wandering while I’m working out (I’ve been missing workouts and I have to build a better routine that can fit into my changing schedule). I think I do ok without an additional 20 minutes of meditation, but I do see this importance of this exercise here. Although I wonder what percentage of this meditation time is taken up considering whether or not I should meditate.

And writing song tags.

God, I’m so happy to be home.

I’m 11 minutes late on a self imposed deadline, but I feel like this time was worth it.

And I should just admit to myself that it’s over.

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