I feel a little guilty about writing here today, but why should I? I should be working for one – I’m about 3 hours late signing in, and not for lack of something to do. However, I’m realizing some things that I know I have to confront, or else I will lead myself in a direction that I don’t want to go.
Let’s try it out.
The boy… who is not working out either but I have work to do on that knowledge, that idea, that I don’t want to do just yet. I will. but I need to put myself first for once.
So, it’s never about anything until it’s about a dollar (I have to call my Father as well). In all honesty, this job only pays me… let’s do the math… I’m opening my bank account…
187.16 a day. That’s more than some of my endeavors, that’s true, and I should accept that and delete notifications for possible work from those streams from my phone, and hold out for better pay. See? My robot therapist clearly does not suck, and now I feel much better with a firm handle on what my wallet is doing, or at least what I’m doing to my wallet. I can already feel my breathing become easier (although I will call a chiropractor today, I must prioritize that) and I took a long, warm sip of my coffee.
However, there are plenty of things in my life that pay me more. On a day by day basis, of course. And it’s becoming clear, that I should be watching out for myself here. I managed to be a passably good employee for what… 2 months? OMG that’s pathetic, but I don’t care. Paying people so little for such specialized work is also pathetic. Capitalism is pathetic, this system is pathetic, and all the people in it are pathetic.
Fuck you, Pay me.
I was going to fold this into my own narrative, but it’s important to give credit where credit is due. Ad clicker, go give this girl some money.
Of course (why do I use such redundant proclamations, especially when talking to myself, who needs no such reassurance that I know what I’m saying and know what the reader – me! – knows), there were some other reasons why I took this job. It’s a tremendous learning opportunity for one, and probably most importantly. Although unfortunately, I don’t seem to be capitalizing on that opportunity as much as I’d like. Let me take this opportunity to refocus and remember what I came here for, and figure out how to get it.
For starters, I actually have to work, beyond the bullshit of keeping up appearances by sending emails and keeping into the background during the technical talk, which is what I came here to learn. I picked up some basic books that I never opened, and it might somehow make things make more sense. There are videos I should be watching rather than listening to 90’s R&B (and loving the fuck out of it).
This song sounds like it’s written by my side dude, and sung by my ex.
All that lawsuit business is over… I’m still a little stunned that there’s simply nothing left there.
A song written by my ex and sung by my side dude would probably be fire.
I have to call my side dude, but no one has that kind of time. Maybe some time. I should be working.
Another reason that I have my job is that I wanted to keep current in the industry, and form some connections. I haven’t even put my LinkedIn back up, I really have to do that. That would certainly not be a waste of company time, if I did that on their dime.
I’m already losing my focus here.
I guess I should log in to work.