After running like a rat through a telephonic maze trying to figure out how to find a real person, to give me the assigned solution to my extremely human problem, I got up and figured that this was a wash. Then, I sat back down with a few sips of cold, milky coffee because I realized that I just don’t feel right, or ready to start my day, without this.
Is this exercise losing it’s impact? I don’t think so, I think it’s exactly the opposite. I think that I’m out of practice here because I haven’t been back. Because I’ve been waking up in one bed or another, because I’ve been ashamed at my actual progress, because I’ve continued seeing the same men that I hate even though I know that they are not worth dying for, the money is not worth dying for, it’s not worth killing everyone I love for, and even in good times it was killing me, and I’m going back into the meat grinder for a a second run through.