I feel like this is how I would feel, perhaps, if the boy cheated on me. He is not ready for the relationship I want, though he wants to be, just like my college ex. I am unfair, making demands that I will not keep – from their perspective. In my mind, it’s different, but I seem to always be unable to fully explain why, because they do not understand.
He is that kind of asshole, a white man who thinks that he’s exposing me to things I wouldn’t normally see and therefore I shouldn’t need to be paid, that I’m actually having fun. He’s kind of right exactly, but the point is not that it’s fun or not, the point is that I can’t *afford* to have fun. Not unless he pays for it. By taking my time like a vampire, it makes those fun things less fun because I really need to make enough money to work on even relaxing before I can worry about having fun.