I didn’t break up with the boy yesterday. I should have. Instead I gave my time to someone who thoroughly doesn’t deserve it, and probably should have given it to the boy, who deserves it only marginally more. I really ought to let him go.
I think this is my biggest fear whenever I contact anyone. That they will see that I’ve done nothing. This fear, in turn, has stopped me from doing anything. It’s a vicious cycle, just like my desire to quit smoking causes me to smoke more when I have cigarettes because I know that I’ll be quitting when I’m done, which upregulates my need for nicotine.