The boy is like that. He will cheat on me, even though he knows what he can and can’t do, because he is trying to prove that inane pedantic validity of one of stupid points that rides on nothing but a technicality. Wtf, you’d really put your dick on the line to prove a point? You’d put me on the line to prove a point? I’m fairly sure one day he will.
My life would be so much easier if I just learned to love him. Instead, I tried to end this post 3 sips early, just because I always hit a brick wall when I think of him. He’s the only person that I can text my point for the day that would understand what I mean, and think about a reasonable response. For me, and for himself. He’s the only person that ever found me actually useful in the actual way I wish I was. He really is everything I’ve been looking for, but maybe I’m just enjoying the search. I wish I could just love him. Fuck it, I just downed half a cup in a single gulp, I need to bail.
This time of year was the constant breaking point between my ex and I, and it looks like, incidentally, it will be again. How ironic. I didn’t realize that until now. I wonder how this will all play out – I love surprises.
I’m mad because I have to go hang out with the boy today. I don’t have to specifically, but it’s expected that when I’m around I’ll see him on weekends. I don’t want to, I’ll say it again. And I shouldn’t… because I just caught myself thinking thoughts that have absolutely no place in a relationship like this. He is definitely not worth hating.
I can’t wait until all this is over and I can hug my dad again. We both brought plastic sheets so that we could hug each other. We still didn’t.