My Haitian friend is coming over tonight and I’m a little nervous. Perfectly flat and clear, I think she’s a crackhead now. Like literally smoking crack. Plus, I have on good authority from my Bermudan friend that she has been talking shit about me, plus I do know that she has been trying to undercut me in business in ways that there’s no point in explaining. She has been horrible to me in the past. I don’t know why, but I’m also not sure why I’m letting her over my house to try again.
My life would be so much easier if I just learned to love him. Instead, I tried to end this post 3 sips early, just because I always hit a brick wall when I think of him. He’s the only person that I can text my point for the day that would understand what I mean, and think about a reasonable response. For me, and for himself. He’s the only person that ever found me actually useful in the actual way I wish I was. He really is everything I’ve been looking for, but maybe I’m just enjoying the search. I wish I could just love him. Fuck it, I just downed half a cup in a single gulp, I need to bail.