I had dreams last night, and they were intense, descriptive, and complete. I woke up feeling like an entire, complete narrative had taken place, a complete story that answered all it’s own questions. There was a beginning, middle, end, and even a moral. My brother was there, and so was everyone I wanted, even though I don’t know who that was. I went somewhere I had been meaning to go, and came back home, even though I don’t know where that is.
I think this is my biggest fear whenever I contact anyone. That they will see that I’ve done nothing. This fear, in turn, has stopped me from doing anything. It’s a vicious cycle, just like my desire to quit smoking causes me to smoke more when I have cigarettes because I know that I’ll be quitting when I’m done, which upregulates my need for nicotine.
I’ve been trying to work on a more pure stream of consciousness style of writing here, as one would observer were there an observer. However, I see that I really have a wandering mind. There’s a lot that I automatically edit even to myself when I think.