All the while, someone is screaming underneath, and I’m just thinking. Wow, it’s weird how the heat builds in waves to the point where we don’t notice it, like the tide coming in. But there is a radical difference between the starting and stopping points. I wonder how this approach can be applied to change, generally, and how it has been applied to change, generally, and in my life specifically?


I *also*, and probably most severely, feel guilty that on my way out of my brother’s house, I bought a pack of cigarettes at the gas station. If I did catch anything, I pray to God that it was there. At least that way I would believe that my brother had been safe. I feel like I knew where I got it – I was going to go into the store, and an older man wearing a mask was coming out the door. I waited for him to come out, which he did… and for some reason still felt fucking compelled to walk very close to me on his way into the parking lot. Like almost touching, what a fucking douchebag. It was unnecessary.