How do these men think they can come back, I believe I made them fully aware that they were not welcome, do they have no self respect? Are they utterly oblivious to the social cues that solidly tell them to fuck the hard way off? I realize now that I have no idea how much of my real self becomes apparent through my fake mask, which I wear dutifully every time I see them. They probably think they’re helping me, giving me money. They probably are.
My back is killing me. I was in a car accident with my ex, the same one that broke him to the point where he ruined our whole lives. I can see why I dreamed of My father in law, and know that that’s not true. My ex lied and said he was disabled, but I just grabbed my suitcase out the back of the wrecked car and went to work.
Now what do I do? What will I do when things get really bad, if I got really hurt, if I got arrested, if I died, if my brother died, if my parents get sick, if my house burns down, again, if I get cancer again if the world ends if there’s riots if I need to hide?