I was sitting, telling them all a story that never happened… which now I can’t quite remember, which is the problem with lying when you get older.
Also, I’m ridiculously ambitious. I’m glad that’s coming back into my life, actually. I just flipped to a browser that had a bunch of extra work in it. OMG. There is a lot to do today, I might bail.
Ironically, my brother and I are talking about fish. My dream makes sense in a prophetic sense now. So much sense and too much sense. I think he misses our house too, as a matter of fact I know he does. Thinking about him hurts me so much constantly, how did we let this happen to us? I know he feels terrible, and knows that he’s causing us pain, and I know he just wants to be out of this world to stop hurting everyone around him by just being there. I know the feeling, but I know he knows it better. I don’t want to make him sad and talk about it, but I do desperately want to tell him that he’s absolutely all I’ve got, and never to even think about leaving me here alone. Ever. I want to tell him it will get better but it probably won’t. I don’t want him to leave because I am selfish.