I feel worst for my family. They know me, and they know that I am a hypocrite. And they know that I am a huge risk factor for them every single time they see me. But they love me, so they do. That fear must be painful. I wish they would believe a lie to just to make all that go away, but I know that doesn’t work, because it doesn’t work on me when they do it.
I guess I better go back to work for a bit… I know it’s probably not the best decision for my health, or my sanity, but it is the most effective coping mechanism I’ve found so far to deal with my general dissatisfaction with everything that is this normal life, everything that other people seem to be satisfied with, and everything that will never be enough for me.