I talked to one of my favorite cousins, I guess my favorite cousin, right now and probably forever, yesterday. It was informative, and it makes sense that I would dream about my grandmother. It’s a shame that we didn’t know more about her. Even if I had kids, no one would ever know much about me either. That kind of hurts, but I’m slowly getting to be ok with that. At least the pressure is off, to be a good person.
I had dreams last night, and they were intense, descriptive, and complete. I woke up feeling like an entire, complete narrative had taken place, a complete story that answered all it’s own questions. There was a beginning, middle, end, and even a moral. My brother was there, and so was everyone I wanted, even though I don’t know who that was. I went somewhere I had been meaning to go, and came back home, even though I don’t know where that is.
I was crying, but there was legit something in my eye this time. My ex used to always remark about how often things fell in my eyes, and I remember in my dream at some point there was a toddler wearing goggles under his glasses, and squirting vinegar in my eyes. Wtf, I can’t remember whose kid it was, but he was Black, and it felt like it was my ex’s house (I said that, but I see that I mean my ex’s parents house) but the layout felt like my most recently deceased Uncle’s house.
Now what do I do? What will I do when things get really bad, if I got really hurt, if I got arrested, if I died, if my brother died, if my parents get sick, if my house burns down, again, if I get cancer again if the world ends if there’s riots if I need to hide?